Good God. We just looked at the full ballot for the Observer awards for the first time today (continuing our streak of complete uselessness, considering that voting is already over), and in most of these categories there just isn't a whole lot to chose from. We decided that we'd share our picks with you for the categories that we know something about. For the categories that we don't know anything about, we just tried to find the funniest name and go with that. Our picks are in bold. And we couldn't come up with a funny joke about the music blog/website category, so we just left it out. Sorry, we're busy.

Best Act In Town:
The Boys Named Sue (a cover band? What does that say?)
The Happy Bullets
Radiant
Record Hop
Sorta

Musician of the Year:
John Dufilho
Collin Herring
Chris Holt
Eric "Fishboy" Michener
Salim Nourallah

Best Album:
Beautiful Noise, Salim Nourallah
King James Version, Spitfire Tumbleweeds
Little D, Fishboy
The Vice and Virtue Ministry, The Happy Bullets
Water Sphere, Pilotdrift

Best Song:
"Crime Scene," Black Tie Dynasty (they should have called this song Ice cream, b/c ice cream is sweet.)
"Falling Asleep in the Snow," Auto Escape
"Still Afraid," Bosque Brown
"The Dark of Garage," South San Gabriel
"The Vice and Virtue Ministry," The Happy Bullets
"The World is Full of People Who Want to Hurt You," Salim Nourallah

Best New Act:
Auto Escape
Bosque Brown
The Drams
Rose County Fair
The Valentines (I don't choo choo choose you.)

Best Blues:
Hash Brown and the Browntones
Pops Carter (I don't know, guess you gotta go with pops)
Smokin' Joe Kubek
Silvertones
Jim Suhler

Best Country/Roots:
The Boys Named Sue
Eleven Hundred Springs
Jayson Bales and the Revival
Max Stalling
Spitfire Tumbleweeds

Best Cover Band:
The Boys Named Sue
Hard Night's Day (sorry, I like the Beatles better than country versions of Eminem songs)
The Mumbles
Petty Theft
Queen For A Day

Best DJ:
DeeJay CeePee (we always have fun on Mondays at the Cavern)
Kid Icarus
DJ Merritt
DJ Redeye
Wild in the Streets

Experimental/Electronic: (lots of good groups on here. What the hell is professional juice?)
The Angelus
the pAper chAse
Professional Juice
Tree Wave
The Undoing of David Wright

Folk/Acoustic:
Bosque Brown
Doug Burr
Fishing For Comets (is this the chick from Lillix?)
Audrey Lapraik
Mission to the Sea

Funk/R&B:
Montrose
One Up
Rhythm (winner of most awesomely strange name ever.)
Rubba Rode
Woodbelly

Jazz:
Earl Harvin Trio
Freddie Jones Band
Monks of Saturnalia (I'm into buddha and shit)
Shanghai 5
Shibboleth

Latin/Tejano:
Zayra Alvarez
Mad Mexicans (I ain't mad at ya)
Norte De Havana (I have no clue)
Rob G. and the Latin Pimps

Best Rap/Hip-Hop:
Steve Austin
Headkrack
Money Waters (I heard some of this guy's stuff. Its really funny.)
Pikahsso
Tahiti

Best Metal:
3/4 Ton
A Dozen Furies (If it had been like 11, I'd say no way. But a dozen? You can't fuck with that.)
Fair to Midland
Jacknife
Mugzu

Best Hard-Rock:
Burden Brothers
The Feds
Golden Falcons
Hogpig
Record Hop (We are really big Hogpig fans and all, but we thought we'd go with the underdog. But Hogpig fuckin' rules!)

Best Indie-Rock:
The Deathray Davies F
ishboy
The Happy Bullets
Midlake
The Valentines

Best Female Singer:
Camille Cortinas, Fishing For Comets
Ashlee Cromeens, Record Hop
Kristy Kruger
Mara Lee Miller, Bosque Brown
Liz Williams

Best Male Singer:
Aaron Closson, The Hourly Radio
John Dufilho, The Deathray Davies/I Love Math
Trey Johnson, Sorta
Salim Nourallah
Levi Smith, Radiant

Best Instrumentalist:
Scott Danbom (keyboard/violin), Centro-matic/South San Gabriel ( I guess)
Daniel Hopkins (drums), Radiant
Chris Holt (guitar)
Todd Pertll (pedal steel), Doug Burr/Kristy Kruger
Ward Richmond (bass), Slick 57/Boys Named Sue

Best Producer:
John Congleton
Salim Nourallah
Matt Pence
Stuart Sikes (what have you done for me lately?)
Dave Willingham

Best Radio Show That Plays Local Music:
90.1 At Night
The Adventure Club, 102.1 The Edge
Frequency Down, 88.1 KNTU T
he Good Show, 88.7 KTCU
The Local Show, 102.1 The Edge ( although we love live burden brothers shows at Dada, we just couldn't do it.)

Best Record Label:
Kirtland
Idol
Spune
Summer Break
Undeniable

Best Live Music Venue:
The Cavern
Granada Theatre
Gypsy Tea Room
Hailey's Sound isn't great most of the time, but they get the best bands
Sons of Hermann Hall

Best Dance Club:
Hailey's (1. Dj G plays here. 2. We've never been to these other places. No, I swear I've never been to the Lizard Lounge... I promise.)
Lizard Lounge
minc
Purgatory
Seven

boy, the wheels have just about come off this time, eh girls?

Good Choices

Professional Jewws can be had for a price

CONAN THE BARBARIAN DID IT WITH SHE-RA

More obscure Conan quotes!!!

Why am i still up?
and why did i just read all that?
maybe cause i'm so high

....i gotta go get more high.

Stonedranger thought it was funny, so you can kiss my ass!

No, not you. You. No the other guy!

whos on first?

Abusing the anon. situation like you are (poster from 2:12-2:14) is not cool, Zeus. Not cool.

Third base!

I wasn't sticking up for you. I was talking to her!

Thanks for sticking up for me!

Yeah? Whatever! We all know he wrote it!

What a lie. You're ALL THREE big fat liars!

You both suck! IT was me and you know it!

No you didn't! I did!

Hey, I wrote that!

I love you too. That's why I do it.

uh..anonymous 8:47...?

HELL YES.
i love you

Secret Insider Industry Panel of Has been/neverweres that drink at the Old Monk and talk about meeting Elvis Costello in Fort Worth that one time while they serve up uninspired choices to a dwindling population of local music fans. Keep in mind these are writers who fully endorse methods like "taking people for all their worth" by jumping on bandwagons of sonic trends. The bands that ask you to vote for them are bad based on this formula:

# of people band sends "vote for us" spam to = how much more you should hate them and lose all respect for them

No shit, everybody should be sickened by a band you've already driven too far to see, too late at night, for too much money at the door asking you to then go vote for them like they're a fucking county judge.
Well, I hate these attention whores the way I hate county judges.

Oh, and thanks, Sam and Andrea (Especially, Sam) for clearing up the questions concerning the integrity and setup of the awards. We were really worried. I can see the improved quality of the ballot and how it reflects "the people". In your cute little link to your embarrassing local choices for 'O5 Sam M. refers to the indie rock world as "superior" and "lonely". Is it really "lonely"? Madonna plays Coachella, indie rock is used to sell everything from shampoo to german cars, is that a "lonely" environment. I'm sure all the phone sex you get for free from label/band publicists ensures that you don't suffer from any amount of loneliness. I bet all that faked admiration and attention you get keeps you really warm at night. You also lament that John Duhfilo (sp. who gives a shit?) isn't on MTV. I almost fainted when I realized that a guy who isn't even good enough to be playing a graveyard like Deep Ellum wasn't on MTV. What a tragedy? Does anyone else ever wonder why the Observer always writes articles about people who "should" be famous? I can't read those articles because I always start crying by the end. I feel so bad for these local heroes who live in a phony reality which only applies to this region and then they find out the real world doesn't give a fuck about them. Because when you leave Dallas you find out, "Whoah, that band from Bloomington, Indiana rips off A Certain Ratio waaaaay better than we do." Hell yeah, they do. And there are a million more where they came from, asshole.

My favorite category is Experimental/Electronic. What a confusing and misleading category. Only in Dallas would these bands be considered "Experimental". Treewave is somewhat electronic. But they are still technically an indie rock group if you listen to them. I prefer Slocum's work in Emergency Ghost. You should make this a multiple choice question:

Which of these bands meets one or more of the following criteria:Experimental/Electronic.

A. The Angelus
B. The Paperchase
C. Treewave
D. Professional Juice
E. The Undoing of David Wright
F. All of the above
G. None of the Above

The answer is probably "G.", but that's because I don't know know what Professional Juice is. Then again, I'm not paid to know what that is. The people who wrote this joke of a category are however, and well, just be glad the Observer is free when you stumble out of Cafe Brazil drunk. I prefer Buzzbrew sober, but I'm just oppositional.

And one more thing, I love the Undoing but a drum machine doesn't make you "electronic". I know a lot of people who would scoff at being labeled as such just because they use said instrument. And a lot of the talk on here lately reminds me of when the people on dallasdancemusic.com try to talk about indie rock. You guys should check that out if you want to feel better about yourselves. At least that's where I go when I want to feel about better about you guys...

Dig through any A.P., Spin or Magnet back issue from 1997 and read all about "Electronica" and how it's sweeping the nation and replacing traditional rock music. Sounds pretty silly now, doesn't it? I guess "electronica" is like the dance version of "grunge". Anyways, some of you sound like you wrote those articles from nearly ten years ago. Only, it's 2006. Can't we just relax in this modern music utopia where we dance, yell, and mope all at the same time? I love the fucking future.

Hmm stoned, you seem to know more than you're letting on about this ... "Panel."

I other news, it sucks ass to have to buy $4 bottles at the Gypsy Tea Room. HUGE minus.

yeah,why does it seem so secretive?
was there or wasn't there an industry panel?
yes or no?
that simple.

I remember seeing an "industry panel" mentioned on this year's nominations ballot or the story accompanying it also.

yeah, I'm pretty sure there was one.

"The "Industry Panel" was fabricated by anonymous 3:31pm. There is no industry panel (anymore...they used to nominate a couple of years ago but no more). The readers nominate. The readers vote. Period. Can't blame the Observer for picking predictable and/or crappy bands this time."

Don't be so sure...

*cough*

"it would be interesting to know who all was on the industry panel, and how their votes were factored into the whole thing. Maybe the Observer explained that at some point, but if they did, I didn't see it."

The "Industry Panel" was fabricated by anonymous 3:31pm. There is no industry panel (anymore...they used to nominate a couple of years ago but no more). The readers nominate. The readers vote. Period. Can't blame the Observer for picking predictable and/or crappy bands this time.

Just for the sake of providing info....Boys Named Sue are no longer just a cover band. Their new album due out next month is all originals.

"Writer's picks" was summed up in last December's "The Local List" article, link. And honestly, we get the whole rest of the year to tell people what we think.

i wonder if they're going to have the "writers picks" this year.

i kinda hope they do. i think i'd actually rather hear some writer's opinion instead of something that's based on a vote.

this current DOMA voting system means nothing to me. completely masturbatory.

sorry-

it would be interesting to know who all was on the industry panel, and how their votes were factored into the whole thing. Maybe the Observer explained that at some point, but if they did, I didn't see it.

and what are you talking about dude? We're totally bigger than the Toadies.

hmmm. don't know about the Sons thing there Taunto. I've seen a couple poor sounding shows at that place. But its not a bad venue. They just need to actually, you know, book shows there.

hailey's just isn't the same since former manager john bakke left. he's the shit!

he made their crazy 100 beer routing tap system himself, so you can thank him for their beer variety!

Isn't Hailey's that joint with the great selection of beer? Pretty sure it is. That's m main beef with just bout every damn venue in town... I get my choice of Bud Light, Miller Light, Lone Star or Shiner... then maybe a Stella or Amstel is their 'good beer.' Fuck all that. This beer snob needs something that has flavor.

I dig Hailey's. GTR is alright, but has it's fair share of crap too... as any venue does for that matter. I like a lot of venues for different reasons...

yeah but Hailey's payin the billz with three consecutive nights of DJs nearly every week means it probably shouldn't be in the "live music" catagory. If only because there are several other deserving venues.

oh yeah, and the sound is not that great, and everything is so spread out that you can always hear people talking in the corners.

overall, I think this industry panel thing probably just stopped the burden brothers brothers from being nominated in every catagory. Because theres a lot more ex toadies fans than weshotjr readers.

no venue has incredible shows every single night they're open. you take the good with the bad.

pays the bilzz.

a taint is the area between your honkers your knockers and your ramrod

Remember as well that Gypsy Tea Room seems to be extreme on both ends. On the one hand, they do have really great shows like the Fall and Dinosaur and Dungen and Clap Your Hands and a lot of other stuff that I've liked recently.

They also have a lot of jam bands and crap like that on other days. I will say that the sound at Gypsy is better than at Hailey's, but it often has its issues too. Did anyone go the last LCD Soundsystem show? The sound was horrible at that show, and James Murphy one performer that we can all agree, like him or not, knows what he is doing when it comes to sound and mixing.

So you make a good point, Gypsy should be considered. I just usually have more fun at Hailey's, on a personal level, which plays a role in why I picked it.

Mysterious "Industry Panel"??!! Do tell more... Hmmm... intrigue.

Uh, also, what's a "taint"? Is that another word for one's, um, rear end?

I am so unworldly sometimes.

I think there are some pretty nifty people nominated!

Yours in rock,

M-.

"Industry Panel"

look to that to explain the live venue nomination oddities.

Connect the dots.

i thought that was sort of odd as well. I prefer rubber gloves over any other venues by a longshot. Its probably the only bar in DFW where they have free water, plus the best bands play there.

"so are we all in agreement that this dallas observer music award thing kinda lost it's charm?"


I wouldnt say that. There are some bands/people on there that definitely deserve the recognition.

An ancient Egyptian wise man or woman once said "You cant please all the all the time"

Another wise man has told me on numerous occasions "If you dont like it, you can eat shit and bark at the moon"

Im not sure how it all ties in, but if youre not careful you might learn something.

"We'll have some fun now, with me and all the gang

Learning from each other, while we do our thing!"

:B

Best live music venue? Hailey's?
Is this some sort of sick joke? Seems that the only thing Hailey's is hosting these days is DJ nights 3 times a week and the occasional "indie" hip-hop artist or some "buzz" bands that every hipster shits themselves over for a month or two and then are completely forgotten when the next big thing comes along.
Don't get me wrong, the place is nice enough, the staff is cool, but can you really consider it the best when the sound craps out half the time?

And they have the best bands? Wha?
Have you even been to Gypsy Tea Room?
A reunited Dinosaur Jr? The Fall? Liars? Bobby Bare Jr? Gang of Four?
They deserve the award, hands down. No one else can really even compete.

And don't even get me started on The Cavern. As a live music venue, that place is a joke. Random house shows have their shit together better than that place.

The Granada? When are venue owners going to learn that A MOVIE THEATER IS A SHITTY PLACE TO HOST LIVE MUSIC.

Oh, an why wasn't Rubber Gloves and Dan's Silverleaf even nominated?
Who votes for these things?

so are we all in agreement that this dallas observer music award thing kinda lost it's charm?
also,i kind of agree with all the jock comments..
it seems all so competitive.
talking trash...
we're taking it staight to the top
baby,DMOA

Best instrumentalist used to be broken up into separate categories: "best guitarist," "best bassist" and "best drummer." In fact, feel free to review last year's awards/ballot and compare/contrast to this year's.

In other news, I'm getting the words "I LOVE ANONYMOUS" tattooed on my taint.

Who all's on the industry panel, anonymous?

Not so fast, in reality, it's the readers and an "industry panel" who thought up these nominations.

Lots of good bands were not nominated and some bands are in the wrong category entirely due to, I'm just guessing here, certain "industry" people wanting their cash producing bands to be able to get some press time, but since other categories were filled by bands other industry peeps are jocking, the band ends up in a category for which they were obviously not nominated by their fans.

Despite that, there are some good options to choose from.

I vote that Experimental/Electronic be renamed "The only bands in this god-forsaken town that get press AND don't suck. Plus Professional Juice."

"...but if he's in another band then maybe that's why (actually... the observer is just fuggin dumb, they picked a cover band as Dallas' potential best band)"

It's the readers who pick the nominees, not us.

"I think its more of a reflection on how meaningless it can be for someone to be good at playing their instrument if they don't play good music."

...this is also true and the reason i get so annoyed at all my hippie friends who talk non-stop about how great chris holt's guitar playing is... ok, he IS good... but aside from knowing how to play the guitar he should go ahead and learn how to write a song

well, if you're in a cover band then that means that you are playing someone else's bass lines. i'm just thinking that "inventiveness" w/ your instrument should probably be a part of the equation.

...but if he's in another band then maybe that's why (actually... the observer is just fuggin dumb, they picked a cover band as Dallas' potential best band)

...so you have a good point

but i DO think that if all you've got for credentials is that you play in a cover band then you shouldn't be up for consideration.... like, does a guy who copies the works of Monet deserve to be called dallas' "best artist"... lets hope not. lets hope that creativity comes into play.

...though we're talking about the observer so what's the point in bitching?

like it's ever going to become a GOOD publication that actually knows/cares about good music.

I think its more of a reflection on how meaningless it can be for someone to be good at playing their instrument if they don't play good music.

Not that I'm directing that at Slick whatever, because I've never heard them. I just frankly don't give a shit if someone is a good "instrumentalist" but plays shitty music.

In Ward's defense, he's also in Slick 57, which is not a cover band. Besides, what's being in a cover band got to do with being able to play your instrument?

dumbasses... "best instrumentalist" is one of those categories where the observer thanks people for spending money on adversiting

... i mean, some guy in a COVER band is potentially dallas' best bass player?
...absofuckinglutelyretarted

Professional Juice make some of the most repugnant 'music' I've ever heard.

Yeah, that best instrumentalist category...wtf??? Does this mean the biggest badass on an instrument, i.e. chops or what? Kinda vague.

I wish I was smart enough to understand the Best Instrumentalist
category. Is it supposed to be like some type of MVP award? Come on Observer, dont get all Omni magazine on me.

XD

Sons of Hermann Hall definately gets vote for best venue with me. I don't go there that often, but that just makes every single experience I have there that much more unique. The place is so cool, and I don't think they've changed anything about the building since the early 20th century. If you've never been there check out the New Year with Sellac there on June 8th.